A demons daughter
by Marcelle Hvidsteen
Summary: She just didn't want to harm her firends. Why was that so hard a request?
1. You're dripping

It was raining, and Raven loved it. She loved the rain. Not only because it was so soothing. She loved the metaphor. She loved the idea that rain washed away all the dirt and got the world clean. Pure.

She was standing on the roof, arms out to her sides. Taking it in. Letting the rain get everywhere. Making the rain wash her as it did to the world. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth. The rain slithered down her throat. How she loved the rain.

"Hey Rae, are you coming in? Guess who bought beer." Raven turned and looked at Beast Boy. "No thank you Garfield. You know I don't drink." She didn't know why she had started calling him Garfield.

One day his nick name, Beast Boy, it just didn't seem right to call him that. And he never protested. At first he had gotten a weird look on his face, but soon it was as natural as the others calling him Beast Boy, BB or B.

"Oh come on Rae. Loosen up, it won't kill you." "No, but it might kill you." Her voice was deadpan, and Beast Boy didn't know if he should laugh or not.

"At least come to the common room with me. We are celebrating and it just doesn't feel right celebrating without you." "And what are you celebrating?" He smiled. "TGIF. Thank God It's Friday."

She sighed. "So actually nothing." He shook his head. "We celebrate the good things in life. Friends, a job well done, and the weekend. Now come on Rae. We are all waiting for you."

She felt something odd, and was very surprised to find it coming from the man standing in the door. Want. He wanted her there. She sighed and teleported herself to behind him in the stairs. He had stuck his head out to look for her.

"Are you coming?" He turned, a goofy smile on his face. She sighed and started walking down, him following her like a happy pup. "Hey Rae." She turned and raised an eyebrow to tell him she was listening.

"You're dripping." She looked down, and saw he was right. "I'll come as soon as I have changed." "Promise." She looked at him. "I said I would didn't I?" He smiled happy, and went down the hall whistling. Still the goofy grin on his face.

She took of her leotard, and dried herself of before taking on a dry one. She smiled, to herself, not quite knowing why. A book flew of her shelf, and the smile died. She sighed as she bent down to put the book back on its place. The purity the rain had given her was gone.

She opened the door and almost collided with Beast Boy. She almost fell with surprise, but he grabbed her. Even with the grow spurt he was still smaller than her, but it was only visible if you lined them up to measure, something he had done often.

"Garfield you scared me." "I'm sorry Rae." She brushed herself, even though she hadn't gotten dirty. It was just what she did. "Are you checking up on me Garfield?" He looked at her and… bang. The light in the ceiling exploded. She felt him lay himself over her to cover her from the falling glass.

"You okay?" She nodded. "Well, Cy can fix it tomorrow. Race you to the common room." He changed to a geopard and started running, and Raven shook her head as she teleported in to the common room. She turned to the door and waited.

It opened and an exhausted Beast Boy came running threw, looking behind him to see if anyone was following. "Hi." He turned and was so startled he tripped in the stairs and landed on his back.

"Not fair. No using your powers." She raised her eyebrow. "You used yours." She gave him a hand, and helped him up. He brushed himself. "Yeah, but I can't teleport." "No, just run 100 km/h." "I can?" She sighed as she went to the sofa and sat down.

Beast Boy followed her example as Starfire came from the kitchen. "Hello friends. Are Cyborg and Robin up with the drinks jet?" "They're bringing it up as we speak." Like on cue the door opened and Robin and Cyborg came in with beer and pizza for everyone.

It was actually nice. Just sitting and talking, eating pizza and drinking. Even thou she was just drinking tea she did enjoy herself.

"Are you sure you don't want a drink Rae?" Beast Boy was drunk. He was leaning close to her, and she could feel his warm, alcohol filed breath. "No thank you Garfield." She placed her cup on the table.

"Come on Robin, dance with me." Starfires eyes were shining, and she was swaying to the music. Robin smiled as he grabbed her and started moving to the music. Robin had lost many people in his life, and had a hard time letting Starfire in. Rae smiled as she saw her two friends actually relaxing and just enjoying each other. They deserved it.

She felt flushed as she took a new ship of her tea. Her head felt a bit heavier and she smiled. She looked over at Beast Boy, who was looking at her. "What?" She tried for deadpan, but failed. She didn't know way.

"I knew it wouldn't kill you to loosen up." She didn't understand what he was talking about. She felt sleepy, and laid her head on the backrest, and closed her eyes. She felt someone place a blanket over her, and kiss her on her head. Then her mind drifted away.

She woke up to the screams. The entire room was covered in black energy. Her black energy. She looked desperate around and found the source for the scream. Starfire was lingering in the air, a few inches under the roof, a black hold around her. She was trying to get loos, but failed. Robin was trying to calm her down as Cyborg was heading towards her.

Her head was aching as Cyborg grabbed her. "Raven, what's going on?" She looked at him, petrified. Trying to calm herself down, but unable. She looked at him, and as Starfire screamed again she started crying. She couldn't understand why she was loosing control over her power.

"I don't know Cy. Did someone do something to my drink or anything." "Of course no…" He turned to Beast Boy who was flying by Strafire, trying to get her out of the black grip. Her head was pounding so hard. "Beast Boy, did you give Raven something without her knowing?"

He landed and morphed back as Robin threw a few exploding discs at it. Raven knew it would be futile. "I might have given her half a beer or something. I just wanted her to loosen up and have some fun." "Beast Boy you jackass." Raven could feel her grip on Starfire tighten, and did her best to calm down.

"There is a reason why I can't drink." She tried her best to calm down, but her head was pounding so hard it almost drowned out Starfires and Robins screams. Unfortunately it didn't, and a suffocating feeling of guilt got into the mix. She needed to get away. Somewhere she wouldn't hurt her friends.

She fell to her knees, holding her head as tight as she could. "I didn't want to harm her. Why did you make me harm her?" She opened a portal and went through it. Holding her hands to her head, trying to calm herself down. Distaining herself from her feelings. But the alcohol was making her lose more and more control. She had to get away before she really hurt her. She didn't care where she was going; she just had to get away.

As quickly as she went away the black energy vanished, and Starfire fell into Robins waiting arms. Starfire was weeping. Not so much for the pain, she had felt worse, but for hurting her friend. As quickly as Robin had made sure his love was unharmed he gave her over to Cyborg to comfort her, before lashing after Beast Boy. Beast Boy was still slow from the alcohol and was caught quite quickly.

"Do you know what you did? What you could have done?" Robin was fuming. Beast Boy had never been so afraid of getting hurt from his leader as now. He even matched Raven at her worst. "You know what Ravens capable of." "Dude I didn't know she was going to go mental on your girlfriend after having half a beer." Robins grip tightened, if possible.

"It was not friend Ravens choice Beast Boy. Her powers are controlled by her emotions." "Stars right B, you should have known better." Beast Boy looked down. If his green skin could show it, they would have seen him becoming very red. Robin dropped him and he fell to the floor. He turned to Starfire, who had clamed down slightly, and Cyborg. "We need to find her before she hurts herself, or someone else. Can you track her?" "Already on it Rob."

Knowing you have put one of your best friends in danger is probably the best way get sober. At least it sobered up Beast Boy quite well. He morphed to a hawk and flew out of the window, quickly followed by Starfire. He hadn't meant for things to get so out of hand. He never intended for neither Starfire nor Raven to get in any danger, he only wanted Raven to be happy. But now that he thought of it, his plan was stupid. Cy was right. He should have known better.

He landed. He didn't know for sure, but he had an idea where she might be. Lately she always immigrated there. To the old library. He morphed back, and went down the dark hallway. "Raven." A scream pierced the air and made his heart stop beating for a moment before it started racing. He ran as fast as he could after the sound, and found his biggest nightmare.

The whole room was covered in her black orb. She was standing in the middle of the room holding to her head in pain. Trying so hard she could to get control of her emotions. She turned her face his way, and he could see how her face was sweating, and Trigons four red eyes had replaced her violets one.

"Raven." A new hoarse scream escaped her. Beast Boy didn't know what to do, so he did the only thing he could think of. He went over to her and laid his arms around her. He stroked her hair as a new blast flew from her almost blowing him away. "Calm down." He was tugging at her for his bear life, and she didn't seem to calm down.

But just as quick as it had started it disappeared. She was lying in his arms, passed out, and the room was deadly quiet. He just held her. Softly he stroke he chin, her cheek, her forehead. Resting at her chakra. He could feel it pulsating beneath his fingers. He could see drops of water fall down on her almost lifeless body. If it wasn't for his heightened senses, telling him she was alive he could have sworn she was dead.

"I'm so sorry Raven. I just wanted you to have a good time. I wanted to show you, that it wouldn't kill you to loosen up." "But it almost killed Starfire." Raven opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Pleas don't do that again Garfield." "No never." He let her rise, and wiped his eyes. She didn't see, or pretended not to see.

She tried taking a few steps, but almost fell over. It had taken a lot out of her. Beast Boy dammed himself. He was quickly by her side and helped her stand. "I didn't know you tolerated so little thou." She sighed. "My powers are growing. It's been harder and harder to control them." "You should have told us." "I'm telling you now aren't I." A stone flew just passed them. "You're right."

She let go of him, and stood sturdy. She closed her eyes and sighed. "No matter how hard I try, I'm still my fathers daughter. With everything that implies." Beast Boy was kicking himself. He had really wrecked things this time. He usually ruined things, but seeing her like this he knew he had gone to a new low.

"Can we just get home?" Beast Boy nodded and called Robin and Cyborg on the communicator. He then called Starfire to tell her not to worry anymore. He then helped her up to the street. Soon the T-car was there, and she stepped in.

She just sat there, an empty shell. No one talked at all the whole drive back. It was the longest drive Beast Boy had ever endured. Cyborg helped her out of the car as she turned to him. "I actually had a nice time before the incidence Garfield." Quite, like mourners, they followed her up.

"Raven, so good to se you are all right." Starfire flew towards Raven, who just turned. Starfire started weeping again. "Nice to see you weren't harmed Starfire." "I'm perfectly safe friend Raven." Raven went passed her without looking at her. Beast Boy could swear he saw a tear on her cheek. A lamp blew up next to her. She just went though her door and let it close behind her.

Blinded by her own tear Starfire flew over to Robin in need of comfort. He laid his arms comforting around her, giving her what she sought out. Cyborg just looked from one to another. "We could all use some sleep now." Robin nodded and led Starfire to his bedroom. Cyborg turned his back on Beast Boy and went also. Beast Boy just stood there looking at his feet. Oh, how alone he felt at that moment.

The sun was rising as Raven was walking outside on the roof. She went almost to the edge of the roof and looked at the glittering water. "How are you Raven?" She didn't need to turn around. It was only two people who where up so early, her being one of them.

"I'm sorry for yesterday Robin. How is she?" "More frightened than anything." "Thank Azar." She sat down on the edge. Robin just stood there, looking at her. "You want to talk?" "No, thank you." He nodded and turned to leave her alone. "Robin." "Yes." "Thank you." He smiled and went down stairs. Raven started finding her centre, determent that what happened last night wouldn't happen again.

"How is she?" "Fine, I think. She just needs to be alone." Cyborg and Starfire nodded. "And how is friend Beast Boy?" "Sleeping. I think. It's still early." Starfire was cooking some patch-up food from her home planet, but nether of the boys thought about it long enough to wonder why it smelt like Beast Boys room. They where scared about what would happen between Beast Boy and Raven.

Beast Boy had violated Ravens trust, and making her almost killing Starfire. Could she forgive him, or would their team be broken up. The door opened and Beast Boy came yawning in. He had big bags under his eyes. "Morning Beast Boy." "Beast Boy." Starfire flew over to him and hugged him as only Starfire can. With unconditional love and forgiveness.

He was let go and slumped down on one of the chairs. "How is she?" "Fine we think." He banged his head on the table a few times. "Cyborg, you don't have a thing that will make me think before I act do you?" "Come on. If I had, you don't think I would have give it to you years ago?" "Yeah, I guess you would." A tiny smile crept over his face. The rest of the titans relaxed a little. One titan down, one to go.

"What now?" Robin turned to the computer as the alarm went of. He was quite shocked of what he saw. A girl, not older than 6, was tearing the city apart. She was walking threw the policemen and making faces towards them, and they couldn't capture her. Robin knew magic was involved, and sighed. "Go get Raven." "But…" "We need her. Just get her." Starfire nodded and left. The boys left moments after.

They came to the centre and found it in utter chaos. The police seemed powerless as the girl just took there guns and crumbled it. She then lifted five police cars high over her head exposing the officers behind them. But she didn't harm anyone. She actually looked bored.

The girls landed next to them. Raven looked her usual self. Calm, collected and cold. "She's got telepathic abilities. Be careful. Starfire, you and Beast Boy occupy her, Cy and me will cut of her escape routs wile you Raven go behind her and take her down." The team nodded. "Titans go."

Beast Boy and Starfire did as they where told and tried to attack the little girl, with no effect. She actually looked even more bored. Like Raven would. They heard a yelp and looked behind the girl. Raven was covered in, nothingness. Not darkness, but a dark nothingness. Suddenly the nothingness disappeared, along with Raven. They turned to the little girl, but she to was gone too. It had been a trap.


	2. See a penny, pick it up

Beast Boy was distressed. No, he was worried, desperate and pissed off. How could they have not have seen it was a trap? How could they have not seen that? He had turned into every animal he knew with a sharper sense than him and tried to find her scent. Her unique sent of paper and spices.

Cyborg was trying to find her on his computer. "It's so odd. It's just like yesterday. It's like she dropped of the face of the earth." Robin was wandered back and forth. This was the second time he had lost her, in less than 24 hours. Starfire was just sitting and weeping. Scared for her friend and the team.

Beast Boy could feel his entire body shaking. He had lost her. For the second time he had lost her because of his stupidity. He should have protected her. She was still distressed from last night; of course she wouldn't have seen a trap. He should have protected her.

He could feel the hairs on his back rise and grow. His uniform ripped as his muscles widened. There was just one thing left he hadn't tried. One animal left to use.

The Beast caught her sent instantly. It was faint, but unmistakeable. He started running after it, hearing the others coming after him. Right then he pushed that behind him. That was not important, his Beast instincts told him. Find the girl. So he followed her sent. Followed after her.

Her sent had led her to the old library, but there it was gone. He morphed back as his teammates landed behind him. He fell to his knees. "I can't smell her anymore?" He cried as he started pounding the dirt. They didn't bother him.

He and Raven had always had a special bond. They had, unintentionally or not, shared more with one another than anyone else. The other three knew this. They knew that's why he tried so hard to make her happy. Why he often did stupid things around her.

People, even DNA-altered superheroes, did stupid things when in love. If he was aware of his feelings, they didn't know, since the people involved often where the people most blind, but his feelings for her where as clear for the three other team mates as his green skin or green hair.

He hadn't seen it at first. But when he had calmed down he could see it glimmer there half covered in dirt and dust. "See a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck." He hadn't remembered it the first time he had picked it up. He stood up, the penny in his open palm. It was a sign. It had to be. Why else would he find the same penny today that he had given Raven all those years ago. For he knew it was the same penny. He knew.

"Look." Starfire pointed to a portal, half covered by the darkness of the corner. The four titans went closer, when something suddenly hit Beast Boys nose like a brick wall. Her sent. She was on the other side, wherever that was, and was almost halfway through when Robin stopped him.

"Let me go, she's there. I can smell her." "Beast Boy we don't know that. And if she was, we don't know where we would land, if we would land somewhere." Beast Boy stopped struggling and turned to his leader.

"Robin I know she's on the other side. I can smell her. And you can't stop me from getting to her." Robin thought about this for a moment. "Okay, I'll go first. If it's safe I will come back and get you. Okay?" It wasn't okay, but Beast Boy where to desperate to argue, so he agreed and watched as his leader and friend walk into the black portal.

Raven was first frightened by the nothingness. It was the same nothingness that haunted her dreams and nightmares. The nothingness that covered up her emotions so her powers wouldn't destroy anyone. She tried attacking it with her powers, just to find them gone. She got worried, but it was gone before she could get scared.

He was a bit taller than her, had short black hair, pale skin and big dark eyes. "Don't be scared Raven." She took a step back. "How do you know my name?" "I'm your brother." Raven was really scared, but hid it well. The girl they had tried to capture suddenly appeared next to the boy. Now that Raven saw a little closer at her she could see she had long blond hair, a fair face and big violet eyes, like her. Raven took another step back. She wanted to run away, but something made her stay. The boy took a step closer.

"I'm sorry for startling you, but we wanted to meet you. You see we are like you. Children born of demon fathers and earth mothers." Raven looked from the boy to the girl to the boy again. "I never…" "Knew there where people like you? I don't blame you. I didn't know myself for a few months ago. My name is Apep, this is Luna." Raven knew it could be a trap, but something made her stay. She felt, companionship. Something she hadn't felt with anyone before. It both scared and thrilled her.

"It's not just us Raven. There are dozens, just like us. You aren't alone." He reached out his hand in a friendly gesture. "On the other side is a place, created by us, where we don't have to be afraid of our demon selves. A place where we are free to play, feel, train and be with other of our kind. Our brothers and sister." She tried to figure out if he was tricking her, but she couldn't feel that from him. He wasn't lying. A home. A family. All things she had dreamed of for so long, but not dared tell anyone. Not even herself.

"My friends?" "The rest of the team? They are fine. You are of course free to come back to them afterwards, but please come and meet the others first. They are dying to meet you ever since Luna sensed you yesterday." Raven bit her lower lip. She knew she shouldn't go in there, at least not without the others. But she couldn't leave. If he was telling the truth, she would finally be a place where she could do no more harm. To her friend or anyone else.

"Maybe she doesn't want to Apep. Anyway, we have to go." Luna went trough the portal. Apeps arm fell. "To bad, the others are going to be disappointed." He turned to walk away, along with her hope and dream. "I'm I free to leave if I wish." He turned and smiled. "You have my word." And before she could change her mind she stepped through the portal.

It was like the inside of a big castle. The huge room was lit up by hundreds of tiny lights hanging from the ceiling. They had been transported to some sort of platform, and as he had told there where doziness of children in all shapes, colours, and sizes looking at them. They cheered as she stepped on the platform. Apep came up next to her and raised his arms. The room went silent. "Brothers and Sisters, this is Raven." The whole room almost widened with the cheering. Raven had never felt so welcomed.

"I have to leave. I have to let my friends know I'm okay." Apep and the other around her where saddened. "Do you have to go?" "Please don't leave Raven." "Raven, don't go." "Can you at least eat dinner with us. We had prepared a feast in your honour." Raven took a quick glance behind, but a squeeze made her turn back. A little girl, reminding her of Melvin, looked up at her. "Yes pleas do so Raven." Raven couldn't say no. "Okay." "Hurray." "Quick now, before she changes her mind." The girl started pulling her away from the portal and her friends.

Her laughter came before she could stop it. She quickly silenced and looked scared to she if she had hurt anyone, but nothing had changed. Nothing had melted, exploded or moved. Actually no one had seamed to notice. Apep patted her hand. "You don't have to be scared of your feelings her Raven. I told you that. We are free to feel without endangering anyone." Raven looked at him. She couldn't believe it was true. Even on Azarath she couldn't feel anything without endangering anyone. How could she be safe her?

"Energy drawers." Raven looked puzzled at Luna, who was sitting on the other side of her. "Our emotions create energy, and energy chargers our powers. This castle is created with energy drawers, which means it draws the energy our emotions create before they are transferred into our powers. Leaving us with enough energy to use our powers at our own will."

"Raven?" The yells filled the entire room and it broke out in panic. "Intruders." "How did they find the portal?" "Garfield." Apep looked puzzled at her as Raven rose and ran after the sound. She entered the big room to find her friends. Held by her siblings. "Raven." Beast Boy almost freed himself from the grip, but the boy tightened it. "Let them go, they are my friends." Her four team mates landed on the floor. Starfire was the first one to rise, and gave her a big hug.

"We where so worried friend Raven." "Yeah, are you… okay?" Raven nodded and gave them a tiny smile. Robin looked at the crowed that had formed behind her. "Raven, where are we?" "A safe haven for people like me." Raven reached out her hands to both sides. "Titans meet my siblings." The titans couldn't have seen more shocked, Raven couldn't help but give a chuckle. "Dude, how…" "It seams I'm not the only half demon after all." "Dude."

It took some time to explain, even with help from Luna and Apep, and even after that they didn't seem to understand fully. "So everyone here is a child of a demon and a earth person?" Raven nodded. Beast Boy looked around whistling impressed. Robin looked as the one to understand the fullest. "Okay. But are you ready to come home now?" Raven looked down before looking at her leader again. Maybe he didn't understand has fully as she had thought.

"Robin I am home. I'm not coming back. I'm staying here." The crowed cheered, but was silenced by Apep. "Raven, you can't stay." "B's right. How do you even know if what they say is true? Tell her Robin." Raven looked pleading at him. "I can't explain how I know, I just feel it. Pleas Robin. Here I'm safe. You are safe. I don't have to worry about hurting anyone. Please try to understand."

Robin sighed. "If you want to stay, we wont force you." Raven smiled thankfully. Starfire gave her a big, sad hug. "Oh friend Raven you will be missed." "Yeah, but I guess you know best. Are you sure Rae?" "Yes Cyborg." After Starfire released her, Cyborg gave her a big hug, and Robin gave her a pat on the back. "Keep in touch." "Of course." The others moved closer to the portal. Beast Boy just looked at her, tightening his fist very much.

"Gar…" Her voice died. She didn't know what to say. How could she tell him goodbye? "Are you happy here?" "I'm allowed to be." He just looked at her again, and then turned. "Goodbye then." "Bye." They went through the portal before they could see her tears. The girl that looked like Melvin, who actually was named Lamia took her hand. "Let me show you your room." Raven followed, but with a heavy heart. She was glad she couldn't harm anyone anymore, but the look in Beast Boys eyes had almost killed her.

It had been a week, and things were not getting better in the T-formed house. They tried to go on like before, but they where all aware that someone was missing. Robin noticed that he missed having Raven there in the early mornings, even if it was just sitting in the room drinking together. Starfire missed the fact that she was now the only girl. She and Raven had started to find a bond together, and she missed having Raven there to talk to about girlie things.

Cyborg missed his mechanical buddy. True, Robin would be there, but only Raven had understood the special connection he had with his electronics. Worst was it for Beast Boy. He felt like someone had pulled out his heart and stomped on it. Like when Terra had turned to stone, only hundred times worse. He felt like he had lost his best friend.

Raven was restless. She had been in the castle for almost a week and a half and felt how she was itching. She tried to meditate, but since she no longer needed to control her emotions the meditation became pointless. She read a lot. She loved to curl up with a god book in the library, but even she had her limits. She was almost walking threw the walls.

"What is it Raven?" Apep leaned close one morning at breakfast. Raven never eat, but she loved being surrounded by people. People like her. "I'm restless." "Have you tried the gym?" Raven looked surprised at him. "We have a gym?" He laughed at her, and Raven blushed.

After breakfast he showed her the gym. Her jaw dropped. She had always thought the gym in the tower was big, but this would make even Robin drool. It was the biggest room there, and had everything anyone could possible need of training equipment, including five-six rings for hand to hand combat, and even a rock-climbing wall.

Apep dragged her to one of the rings and gently removed her cloak. She went in followed by him. "Just one rule. No powers." "Okay." He came at her and she reacted. Somewhere deep inside her a part of her woke up. The part that had studied Robins movements for years. The part that now filled her and made her smile. Even after thirty minutes, he still hadn't taken her down. He sat down, excused, and when he did that Raven almost collapsed on the floor too.

"Where have you learned all that?" She smiled again, even though every muscle in her body was acing like it had never done before. "I was part of a crime fighting team before I came her. I guess I learned more than I thought." Thinking of the titans made her smile disappear. She had missed them more than she had thought.

"What is it?" "I just miss my friends that all." He rose and helped her up to. "We are your friends now Raven. We are different than them." She nodded. She had always been the odd one out. "I know, but I still miss them." He nodded like he understood, and did not stop her from grabbing her cloak and leave the room.

"You miss your friends?" Raven had been staring out of the window with a cup of tea. She looked surprisingly at Luna who sat down next to her. "Yes. How did you know?" "Telepathic. And telekinetic and teleporting and pretty much every tele there is." Raven smiled to the girl. "What you must figure out is if missing your friends are worth the things you gain with us." Raven looked out of the window again.

"I was born to destroy the world. That was my only purpose in life. My only reason for living. Then I get to know four amazing people. They were the first to not be scared of me, and actually called me friend. Even after learning about my heritage. They help me build my life, and gave me a new reason to live after I destroyed my father. But I was always afraid.

Afraid I would one day not be able to control myself and actually hurt one of them. The day before you found me I was very close. I almost killed one of my best friends." Raven didn't know it, but she had actually started to cry. "If me being here keeps my friends safe, that alone is worth the pain of missing them."

Luna was sitting quietly, listening to every word she had said with surprisingly understanding. Raven looked at her, and smiled. "Is it really only to keep your friends safe you're here?" Raven looked at her and smiled warmly to her. "No. I have finally found a place to call home. A place where I can be free. And of course, if I went away now I would just be sitting there missing Apep, and Lamia, and you." Luna was crying now. Raven opened her arms letting the little girl cry against her shoulder. She had forgotten how nice it was being there for someone who needed her.


	3. Part of a team

A month passed. Robin had secretly tried to get a hold of her, but had failed. So had Starfire and Cyborg. Beast Boy had just been sitting in Ravens old room reading her books. True, most of them where to advanced for him, but just knowing he was reading the same words Raven once had calmed him down. He had become more and more quiet, and his other teammates became almost scared for him.

"Where is Beast Boy?" "Where he always is. In Ravens room reading her old books." "Friends I'm scared for our friend." "We all are Starfire." Like on cue, the door opened and Beast Boy came through. He went past his friends in silence and started making himself a cup of tea. "Hey little buddy, haven't seen you around much. How about a round of video games? I will go easy on you." "Herbal tea." Cyborgs jaw fell to the floor. He had openly challenged him, and he had just blown him off.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" "I'm fine. Just getting some tea." "We haven't seen you around lately." "I'm fine Robin." His tea was done, and he left in the same manner in which he had entered. "This is not good." "He is acting just like friend Raven." The boys exchanged a look. "Poor guy. His taking it harder than we thought." "Yeah." They sat there quietly. "Excuse me, the Titans? I have to talk to you. It's about your former member Raven?"

Beast Boy sat on the floor, his back to her bed, completely occupied by the book in front of him. Raven had told him so many times that he should read more instead of video games, but he had never fully understood what she was saying, until now. He heard a nock on the door. "Yes." He barked, annoyed because his concentration had been broken.

The door opened and Cyborg popped his head in. "We are going to meet Raven, come." Beast Boy was confused. Where they going to meet her? Was she here? A part of him wanted to jump up and down of joy. Another wanted to tell Cyborg no. She was the one who had chosen to leave. He had never been so conflicted. He didn't know what to do. "She's hurt." That did it.

He followed Cyborg threw the door to the common room and saw Starfire and Robin talk to a six year old child. As the door opened she turned to look at him. "Garfield I presume." Beast Boy was startled hearing her calling him that. No one but Raven called him that. "I'm sorry. Beast Boy." Beast Boys head started hurting. How did this girl know all this?

"My name is Luna. I am one of Ravens siblings, if you will. I have come to get you. She is harmed, and we don't know how to help her. We, well I, thought one of you might. Since she hasn't stopped thinking of you since she came. Especially Beast Boy, but by the name Garfield. That was why I called you by that name." She had been thinking of him. Beast Boy felt his heart start to beat a little faster. But she was also in trouble he reminded himself. "Lets go."

The girl sat between Starfire and Beast Boy in the back seat. Cyborg was driving, and Robin was next to him. "So, why hasn't she just healed herself?" Beast Boy couldn't help ask her. "Healed herself? She is capable of that?" "Yeah. One of her powers." "I didn't know that. That's weird. We have three with the ability to heal, but none of them as been successful. Perhaps her healing ability is counteracting the others healing ability." "Now why would friend Raven do that?" The girl just shrugged. Beast Boy sat there wishing the car could go a little faster.

They went over to the corner where the portal once had been. It had closed just after they had left Raven. Now the girl raised her hand, and the portal once again appeared. One after one they went threw, not knowing what would be on the other side.

"What are they doing here?" Apep was standing next to a lifeless Raven pointing a finger at the four titans. "I thought they might know a way to help her. We sure can't." He was furious but the titans paid no attention to him. Cyborg went over to her and immediately took her vitals.

"She's weak, very weak. But I don't know why she's so weak." "She hasn't been eating." Luna was standing across for Cyborg. Apep had taken a few steps back as the titans surrounded her bed. Starfire and Beast Boy were standing at the top of her bed, on each side. Robin was standing at the foot of the bed, arms crossing, looking worried at the former titan.

"Why hasn't she been eating?" Robin was looking at Luna, but knew Apep was listening to. Robin wanted to scold at Apep for allowing this to happen, but he didn't. That would be overstepping his boundaries. How little he wanted to so was Apep Ravens new leader.

"I don't know. I barley noticed. Many of us don't need much nutrition." Luna was honestly upset. Robin wanted to comfort her, but again, he didn't want to overstep his boundaries. It was Apeps job to comfort Luna. He never did. Robin gave her a comforting smile. "It's not your fault Luna." She smiled gratefully. It is the leaders. Robin gave Apep a quick glance over the shoulder. He had never seen anyone so furies. But he couldn't think of that. Not now.

Beast boy had grabbed her hand and was looking at her face. It looked as if she was sleeping, but he knew she wasn't. "Pleas start healing yourself friend Raven." Beast Boy wanted to scream. There was something wrong. It was like she had given up. "Don't give up Raven." Beast Boy felt tear running down his cheek, but he didn't care. "I won't let you give up." But what could he do. If he only could have asked Raven. She would know.

He sat down on her bed, but quickly rose. Something in his pocked had pinched him. Without letting go of Raven he carefully felt inside, and pulled out a penny. Not just any penny, it was the penny. He opened her hand, and placed it on her open palm. He then carefully rapped her fingers around it. "Don't give up Raven. Pleas. Don't give up."

Starfire screamed. Beast Boy had been looking at the floor, and hadn't realised Raven was now floating in mid air. Healing. "That's the spirit girl." Cyborg was grinning as he looked at the monitors in his arm. Beast Boy quickly dried his eyes. Robin looked over his shoulder at Apep again.

The jealousy poring from him was scary, almost breathtaking. But Robin would not be scared. He looked at Raven again and smiled. So she still thought of him as her leader. Something, deep inside of him, was happy. He hadn't understood how much she meant to him, to the team. He wondered if she knew.

Ravens body landed on the bed and she opened her eyes. She sat up gasping, like someone had held her head under water. She tried to rub her eyes, but found out they where occupied. One by a sleeping Starfire, the other one by Beast Boy, also sleeping. Carefully she took her hands out of theirs, and looked around. She was confused, since she was still in the castle. But there was Cyborg and Luna sleeping in each chair. She carefully levitated of the bed, not wanting to wake her friends.

Her stomach was growling, and she decided it was time for something to eat. She went into the kitchen, listening to the slumbering castle. Even here she was the first one up in the morning. She smiled as she grabbed some fruit and sat down with that while waiting for her tea. "Nice to see your up."

Raven smiled as she looked up at him. She knew that if the other three were here, he would have to be here too. "Nice to see you to Robin. How is life in the Titan tower?" "Lonely." Her water was boiling, and she poured it into a cup, and sat down next to him. "What do you mean?" "We miss you. All of us, we miss you." He looked down in the table. Raven knew he was just looking for his words, and waited patiently for him to find them.

"I must apologise Raven. I have neglected to tell you something. I have been a bad leader." She was shocked to hear him say this. "No, you were never a bad leader Robin. A bit harsh sometimes, but you were always a good leader." He looked at her, shaking his head. "I neglected to tell you how much you mean to everyone. To the team." Raven took a new sip of her cup, not really knowing what to say. She had always assumed that she was one of the team, but not one of the gang. After all she was the one who had to distance her self from them.

"You have always been a big part of this team Raven. You where the calm, collected one who had all the answers. The one who never judged, and always ready to listen. I think we all first now got how big a part you really filled, and I apologise for not telling you sooner."

Raven felt sorry for him, for she could feel his sadness. He wasn't a bad leader. If he had asked her to she would have died for him, because she knew it would have been for the best. She needed to cheer him up. She rose, getting rid of the cup and reached out her hand to him. "Come." "Where?" "I want to show you something." He took her hand, and confused followed her.

She had been right the first time. Robin did drool at the sight of the gym. "Come on." She dragged him to the ring and took of her cloak. "Just one rule, no powers. So no staff, or disks or any tools of any kind." "Since when do you fight hand to hand combat?" "Since I stopped meditating, and needed to let of some steam." He looked worried at her. "You stopped meditating? Why?"

She jumped and kicked him. He acted more on reflex than anything else, and jumped out of her way. He looked surprised at her. "Where did you learn that?" She smiled. "You." She then jumped over him and tried getting him from behind. But he had started getting his head into it, and reacted almost to quick for her to see him.

He tried hitting her, but was going soft on her, and she quickly defended herself. "Stop going easy at me Robin." "I don't want to hurt you Rae." She smiled again. A smile he never had seen on her before. A smug smile. "Humour me."

The fight lasted for almost an hour. Robin was impressed about how good she actually was. In the end he actually was trying the best he could, and she still matched him. He finally hit her from behind, and she fell down. More startled than hurt. "I give." "Thank heaven." He fell down on the ground, exhausted.

"Where did you learn to do that, and why haven't you shown me before." She smiled, and sat up. "I don't know exactly where I have learned it. I guess watching you for all these years actually thought me them. I didn't even know I knew it." "But why haven't you tried this before. You're good." She smiled flattered. Robin was a bit startled, but had to agree smiling became her.

"I never could fight hand to hand before because of the adrenalin would make me loose control over my powers. To be honest, I understand now why you are so addicted to it." He smiled and rose to his feet. He gave her his hand to help her up, but she tricked him and suddenly he was under her, her legs pinning his head to the floor. She smiled smug, but friendly at him as he used his feet and flick her of him.

"I thought you gave?" "I thought we never gave?" He could feel a strange pride fill him. He reached his hand down again, and this time she rose quietly. "You're right. We never give." The two friends looked at each other before she gave him a big hug. She was glad he hugged her back. "I've missed you." "Missed you too Raven." They pulled apart. Glad they had shared that moment.

Starfire had woken, and flew out of the room before she remembered where she was. She almost flew into Robin and Raven, who was on their way back to the others. She was overjoyed over seeing Raven all right; she didn't ask what they had been doing together. She trusted them completely.

"Friend Raven, you are well." Starfire rapped her arms around the girl and gave her a hug that almost made her pas out again. Starfire held Raven at an arms length. "You are all wet. Are you all right?" "Everything is fine Star, Robin and I just had a bit of a workout."

Starfire let her gently down. "Maybe you should do the showering." "I smell that bad?" Raven chuckled at her own joke, but stopped as Starfire just looked worried at her. "The boys showers are over there." She pointed to a grateful Robin, who soon disappeared. Raven turned to her girl friend. "I have my own bathroom. Apep insisted. Come on. You can help me choose what to wear."

After a quick shower, and putting on a clean leotard, Starfire was feeling the pleasure of being allowed to comb and braid Ravens hair. "It sure has grown quite a bit." "Yeah, I know. It's weird." Raven took a sip of her tea, which she had gotten before Starfire had started working on her hair. "So how are things in the tower?" "We all miss you quite a lot." "Yeah, Robin said that."

Starfire fell quite, and Raven was worried. "What are you not telling me Star?" "I fear for friend Beast Boy." "Garfield? What's wrong with him?" Starfire blushed, something Raven never saw, but sensed. "Oh, nothing wrong. His just acting funny?" "He finally told some good jokes? Yeah I would have been worried by that too." She laughed, Starfire didn't.

"No. His quiet, sits in your room and reading all the time. Drinking herbal tea." "In short acting like me?" She could feel Starfire blush again. "I'm sure his fine Star. If he starts telling good jokes, that's the time to worry." Starfire relaxed a little, but Raven had gotten scared. Why was he acting so out of character?

Her door opened, and Lamias head popped in. When she saw Raven was well she ran over and gave Raven a big hug. "Raven." Lamia let go of her, and saw Starfire. Raven was hit by something she hadn't expected. Lamia was jealous of Starfire. Okay, so Starfire looked like a supermodel without trying, but she hadn't thought Lamia had cared about that.

"Raven, can you paint my toenails." "I don't really paint toenails, but Starfire might. She's really good." There was no escaping the anger that Lamia was feeling. It even startled Raven a bit. But Lamia put on a big, fake grin. "Okay. Will you Star?"

Starfire, unaware about what Lamia really was feeling, was thrilled to do the painting of the toes and threw herself over the task at hand. All the time she talked about this and that while Raven just closed her eyes and listened to her. She had never really like all those makeup-girly things Starfire always tried to make her do, but she was surprised about how much she had missed her.

"Thank you Star." Lamia rose up, now with bright pink toenails, and almost ran out of the room. "Now that was fun, can I do the painting on you too Raven." "Star, I'm not getting pink toenails. Sorry." Star looked in the box Lamia had left behind. It was a, everyone can use, make up bag. "But we have green, and black, oh and blue. Please Raven. Blue toenails." Raven smiled sweetly to her friend. What she did for their friendship.

"Look how beautiful." Starfire flew up in the air to marvel at her own masterpiece. Raven sighed, but had a smile on her face. "It's just nail polish." "Oh, but it's just not any nail polish. It's blue nail polish, on you." Raven smiled as Cyborg opened the door and made a sigh of relief.

"Dam girl you know, next time you have almost died and you find me lying next to you when you wake up. Pleas wake me up and tell me you're all right." Raven rose and went over to him. Something that wasn't too easy since her nails where still wet. She laid her arms around his neck, which required some levitating, and gave him a quick kiss. "Sorry Cy, next time, I'll wake you up." "That's all I ask. Bye the way Star, Robins asking for you. Something about finding him a towel and some clothes."

Starfire squealed and flew off. "Why didn't he just ask you?" "He did ask me, but I thought he would like it more coming from Star." Raven had missed the diabolical smile. "Four, three, two, one." Robins scream almost made the walls shake. Cyborg and Raven pocked their heads out in the hall, and saw Robin, red as a tomato, only in a tiny towel and Starfire behind him holding some even tinier towels. Cyborg and Raven fell to her floor with laugher. "That's for him not getting a towel before he jumped inn." Raven nodded and started laughing again.

"Damn it." Cyborg hit his robotic arm. "What's the matter?" She flew closer to see what could be the problem. "It's nothing. I'm low on power that's all." Raven flew up and started tugging on his arm. "I know someone who can help."

He let her lead him to a door, and she knocked on ever so gently. A tiered little face opened. When she saw who it was her face broke into a big smile and she gave her a big smile. "Raven, you're all right." "Luna, I'm glad you got back to your own bed. I didn't want to wake you." Luna opened the door and let them both in. She looked at Cyborg, and Raven could feel a sting of jealousy come over the little girl.

"Cy needs a little energy." Luna sighed and went over to examine him. Cy opened his mouth to explain things but she interrupted him. "You forgot to go over on sleep. Come on, how long have you been a cyborg?" Cyborgs jaw dropped.

"The girl went over to a control panel and hocked him up." "You should be more careful. You are lucky I had a plug of your kind. Have you thought about updating? If you go over to the new JK5G3, you would be able to hock up to any electrical appliance. If you went for the deluxe you could even multi plug."

Raven could feel how impressed Cyborg was, and smiled. "Luna here is the computer wiz. She is in charge of the energy drawers." "Energy what?" "Energy drawers. The thing that fuels you right now. I found a way to utilize our lost energy and configure it into pure electricity." She went over to his arm, and detached him. Cyborg whistled impressed. Raven felt how Luna was flattered.

"It's the thing that makes me able to feel freely." Cyborg smiled to his friend. He turned to Luna. "So how does it work?" "Now why would I tell you that? Then you would just make a copy and take her away." Cyborg was brought back by her comment. Especially since that had been his plan.

"So how's the T-car?" Cyborg light up at the name of his little baby. Luna closed the door, and told them she needed sleep. Raven was confused about some of her confusion, but didn't care long for it. Cyborg started telling about updates, and how fast the car was going now, and Raven gave her friend her full attention. She knew how much the car meant to him, and fully enjoyed him tell her about it.

Beast Boy opened his eyes and yawed. He used a few seconds to bend his body back into shape when he realised he was completely alone in the room. Even Raven was gone. He fell back into his chair when he saw something in between the sheets. He picked up the penny and felt a lump form in is stomach.

He had yesterday thought if just for a second, that he had been the one to reach in to her. That his words had been the ones to snap her back out what ever she had been through. But she didn't care. There was the proof resting in his palm.

He had long ago realised she didn't hate him. If she had, he would have been pummelled long ago. But he had thought they had had a bond. He had let her see the most intimate of him. Okay he wasn't as smart, or sophisticated as her. He really hadn't much to offer her, but he had been willing to offer her his heart. Since that was all he had ever had, but she apparently never wanted it. Why else would she have dropped it? Forgotten him?

"Garfield there you are?" He looked up and saw her in the door. She had a tiny smile on her face he had never seen before. A smile he had worked years to see. He got jealous and sad. Apparently the smile was never his, since it first appeared when she had been away. "You want breakfast. I'm sure we can find some vegetables for you, thou I don't think we have tofu, sorry." He rose, trying as hard as he could to be indifferent. Distancing himself from his feelings.

"I'm fine. Are the gang ready to go?" "Cy is waiting in the common room, talking with Luna. I have sent Star out to find Robin, with his uniform. Telling her to not give up. I have also sent Apep out to find Robin. In case Robins hiding from Star." Her smiled died as she looked at him. "You really have changed."

Beast Boy couldn't handle it. He had changed. They hadn't talked in over a month and no nice to see you, or how are you. No, you have changed. He went quickly past her. "Garfield what is it?" And still she called him Garfield. She didn't care about him, but called him by the only intimate thing he had left. He was furious, and unfortunately she wasn't the one to let things like that pass.

"Garfield?" "Are you coming home with us?" She sighed. He still didn't understand. "I am home Gar." He grabbed her arm, but quickly let go of it again. "No, your home is back at the titan tower. With us." "No it's not Garfield. My home is here." "Jesus Rae, you almost died." She could feel how frustrated she became. Most of all she wanted to yell at him, like he was yelling at her, but she knew it would do more damage that help. So she took a deep breath and continued in her usual calm voice.

"But I didn't." "But you would have. If Luna hadn't gotten us, you would have died Rae. What is so awful about living with us, that you will do what ever it takes to get away?" She kissed him. It was a quick kiss, but heartfelt. She looked at him teary eyed. "Because living with you day after day without kissing you was killing me." He was just standing there in shock. Her face fell downwards. "I'm sorry Garfield. I shouldn't have..." He interrupted her with a kiss. A long passionate kiss, and she wholeheartedly returned it.

When it was over she laid her head on his shoulder and cried. "It was getting harder and harder to control them. Not only my love for you, but for Star, Cy and Robin to. It became so overwhelming. And with the love came fear. Fear that my demon side would one day hurt one of you. Simply because I loved you."

"Was that why you started calling me Garfield?" She nodded. "I think so. One day I woke up, and realised you weren't a boy anymore. Of course that was controlled by the same emotions I tried to subdue." "Subdue?" She smiled and kissed him again. "Forget. Ignore. Suppress." She looked down again. "I though coming here would make med forget. Or at least I could let them out in health doses, but I just got sick. My emotions hated being away from you even more than not being able to act on them."

She sighed as she took a step away from him. "But there's more at stake her than me. If I loose control and hurt one of you, like I almost hurt Star, I would never be able to forgive myself. Therefore I can't go back with you." "No." Beast Boy grabbed her and pressed her body against his.

"Raven you are hurting us more by being away. Nothing has been the same since you left." She smiled up at him. It broke his heart. "Gar…" "No. No smart explanation Rae. Just feel. Does it feel right staying here, or does this?" He bent down and kissed her again.

"I think you have overstayed your welcome titans." The couple looked surprised at Apep. "Now if you would pleas leave?" "We won't leave without Rae." He looked desperately at her, and she cried as she let go of him. "No." "I have to stay Gar." Apep placed an arm around her shoulders. Nothing had ever felt so heavy.


	4. Part of a family

"Guards." "No, don't hurt them." "Pleas show our guests out." One by one they where almost pushed threw the portal. Raven was just standing there. She wanted to say something, but it was like Apeps arm was draining her of all her energy.

"I never want to see them here again." "But they are my friend." "Friends?" Apep let her go and moved so he was standing in front of her. Now that his arm was gone she felt some of her energy come back.

"Raven they are different. We are different. They will never understand." "They do." He took one step closer and started to pet her hair. "Was that why you felt like the outsider? The odd one out? Didn't you choose not to do things with them? To decline when they wanted you to have fun."

"I didn't want them to be hurt." Raven couldn't say anything else. "And when you did that. Sacrificed yourself like that, what did they do? Thank you? No, they called you creepy. They thought you where weird, and mean. Antisocial. We will never think that about you Raven. You are with equals now. And that is why you can't talk with them anymore. They are different."

Raven nodded, blinded by her own tears, before she turned and calmly went back to her room. When she found sanctuary behind her locked doors she fell on the floor and cried. He was right.

She knew they cared. She could feel it. But she also knew they thought she was weird. She had been the odd one out. The fifth wheel. Apep was right. She was better of her with kinsmen. People who didn't care she was different.

She felt to her lips. Garfields kiss lingered on them. Where she could find people to love, where she didn't have to run away from fear of hurting them.

"You know, most people cry on their bed." "Most people know that it's rude to teleport into locked rooms. At least without knocking." "Aren't I glad I'm not like most people then." Raven sat up and smiled to the girl.

"I just wanted to see if you where all right." Raven moved so she was leaning at the foot of her bed, and motioned Luna to sit down next to her. Which she did.

"Apeps right." Luna eyes widened ever so slightly. Raven didn't notice. "He is?" "Yes. I love my friends, and I owe them my life, my heart and my sanity. But we are different, and there are things about me they will never understand."

"If I had what you had, I would never have left it." "You don't like it here?" "Now that you are here." The girl smiled, but Raven could feel she was hiding something that almost pulled her apart.

"What are you not telling me Luna?" "Raven I…" A knock on the door interrupted her. "Luna, are you inn there? My cd player is acting funny again." Lamias voice made the two girls smile. With her mind Raven unlocked the door, and the girl came in.

"Have you let Erik near it." "He just wanted to…" Luna rose and smiled weakly at Raven. "I better fix this." Then she turned to Lamia. "I told you, never let Erik near the cd player. Not only is his magnetic filed destined to destroy anything electronically. He's a clots." "I'm sorry." The two girls went out of the room, and Raven was once again alone.

She hated being alone. She had been alone so much in her life and she was tired of it. She rose to her feet and went out into the hall. Empty. She started to walk. Looking for someone, anyone, who could be with her. It was almost ironic. When she had been in the tower she had almost never found peace and quite to be alone. Now that she didn't want to be, she couldn't find anyone.

Suddenly she heard it. A ballade. So lovely it actually moved her to tears. She followed the music and went into a room she had never seen before. It was a bedroom, but a bit bigger than hers. And there in the corner, sat Apep playing the grand.

She went closer, and she knew he knew she was there. But he just continued to play. She stood so close to him she could have touched him if she wanted to. "Sit down. You're making me nervous when you're just standing there."

She sat down next to him. "Do you play?" "No." She looked down at his fingers, almost flying over the black and white keys. "To bad. We could have done a duet." She smiled to him, and was glad he smiled back.

"I just want to apologise. I have no right to tell you that you couldn't see your friends anymore." "You where right." "I just wish… Wait what?" He stopped playing and looked at her. "I love my friends, but you where right. I'm different. They are different. There are things about me they would never understand. Never see."

He rose and asked for her hand. "Dance with me." "There's no music." Suddenly the grand started to play by itself. "My gift. I can manipulate metal. Including the strings in the piano. Now dance with me." Reluctantly she took his hand and let him start leading her across the floor.

He was a good dancer. He never stumbled, even how much she stepped on his toes. She didn't have to tell him this was her first time dancing. After a while it became easier, and she even let out a chuckle.

Garfield should have seen me now, she thought as Apep twirled her inn to his arms. He would never believe it. The thought of Garfield made her stop.

"Is something wrong?" "I know you are right, and I should just forget my old friends, but it's so hard." He led her to a chair so she could sit down, before sitting down at her feet.

"I once had friends on the other side." "You did?" "Or at least I thought they where my friends. But they only used me. They needed my gift, and didn't care about me. When I got upset, and my powers went high wire, they only wanted to calm me down so I didn't hurt anyone."

Raven bit her lower lip. It was just the way she sometimes felt it, back in the tower. And the sadness exuding from him almost made her cry. He looked up at her and smiled as he grabbed her hand and kissed it. "Don't cry for me Raven. I'm happy now. I have finally found people who care, and with time I forgot about the others." He rose and kissed her on the forehead, before helping her up. "And so will you."

Raven was lying in her bed. She was so exhausted from all her emotions going back and forth. No wonder Garfield was so lazy sometimes. Feeling feelings really took a lot out of you. She wanted to meditate, but knew it was futile. A workout. That was what she needed. A good long workout.

She went into the hall when she heard them. Voices. She didn't mean to listen, but as she went towards the gym, the voices became louder and louder, before she stopped outside of the common room.

"That was really close. We need to proceed with the plan." "But is she ready?" "She is weak now, but it was a close call with her friends. We can't take the risk of her human side getting sick again."

She turned in fear to walk away when suddenly Lamia was standing in front of her. "It's not nice to eavesdrop." "I didn't." "Oh come on Raven. I'm empathic, just like you. I can tell a lie. Apep we have company." Suddenly two of her siblings took her. "Oh well, we might as well bring her inn."

The crowd made room for her and the two guards holding her. Apep came up in front of her. "You know we where just talking about you." "Let me go." He just smiled sadly at her. "I'm afraid I can't do that Raven, you see, I have our family to consider." He caressed her cheek. She moved her head and bit after him. He took a step back and laughed. Raven felt sick.

"You certainly have the spirit of the chosen one." Raven froze as she heard that. No one had called her the chosen one unless they talked about her father. "The chosen one?" "Don't play coy with me. You are Trigons daughter. The one chosen to destroy the world. With gifts to match."

Raven looked terrified as his eyes turned crimson red. Demon red. She tried to get out, but she was so weak. So exhausted. "Let me go." "Now why would I do that? You're not a prisoner Raven. If you wanted to you could kill every one in this room. But I don't think you want to leave. I think you are intrigued."

Raven looked at the others. Her siblings. And saw in terror as each and every one of them got crimson eyes. A sure sign they had given in to their demon side. "You are our queen Raven. The strongest one of us. Each and every one of us would gladly bow down to you and do as you command. To let you lead us in the battle against the others."

"You are mad." "Less that you. Don't you understand? It's us against them. They are weak. We are strong. We can rule the world." She looked in terror into his eyes, and in their reflection looked back at herself. She was terrified.

"You are the strongest half demon in history. That's why we need you. You are the only one worthy of being our queen. You have more power than you realise. More power than your futile human mind can imagine. Why do you want to take orders from someone so much weaker than you."

Apep came closer. "Together we can rule the world. Both earth and any other planet we want. We can have what ever we want." "I've worked my entire life so that won't happen." "Come on Raven. I know that somewhere deep inside you, you are lusting for it. Power. You can have it. You can have whatever you want. Be what ever you want."

Raven tried to deny it, but she knew. She felt it, deep inside her, a side she hated. A side she had used her entire life to destroy. A side she now could feel flame up. He grabbed he, the guards let her go, and he started to whisper in her ear. Seeing she was about to crack.

"You would be queen. The ruler. Empress. Everyone who have let you down, or harmed you, you could get back, ten folds. No one would ever dear look wired at you ever again." Raven tried to not listen, but images formed before her closed eyes. She was great. Her arms fell limp to her sides, and he grabbed her even closer.

"You can rule the world Raven. Everyone her would bow to you, and you alone. And I would be there by your side. Ruling by you. No one would ever dear to challenge us. Think about Raven. Infamous power. Infamous control. You will be the biggest," "biggest" "best" "best" "the greatest" "greatest" "ruler of the entire universe."

She tried to fight it, but her emotion, not being held down by meditation and control, flamed in her. Consumed her. "No one would challenge you, and even if they did you could wipe them out." His voice lowered. Became sweeter, deeper, bigger.

"No one would ever make you feel unworthy or inferior ever again. You would never feel alone ever again. You are never alone. We are your family Raven. We are your equals. You think you are alone Raven, but you're not. Your family is here. We are here"

You think you're alone Raven, but you're not. She felt something in her pocket. In a daze her weak fingers tried to find the thing in her pocket. It was something important. Something that would explain why she felt so weird, why she didn't just give in.

"Give in Raven. You know you want to. Give up." Give up? Titans never give up. Her fingers rapped around a penny. The same penny that had made her understand her friends where there last night. Friends?

"Give in to your dark side, and rule to world." "No." The entire room exploded. She stood before him, with her back straight. "I am a titan, and I will never give up." Apeps eyes glowed red. Suddenly so much hatred from him and the others washed over her. Why hadn't she felt it before?


	5. Good to be evil, sometimes

She had to get out of there. She levitated up in the air and flew threw the portal. There anger. There rage. It was terrifying. It was so similar to her own.

She landed on the other side, and noticed what a month without meditation had done to her powers. The room fell apart around her. She took up a protective force so she wouldn't get hurt, and turned. She knew they would come after her, and needed to hold them back. She muttered a spell, and the portal shut down, unfortunately it was only temporary, but she had bought some time. Time to right the wrong she had done.

She needed her books. She prayed that there would be a spell in one of them. A cruse. Anything to destroy them. She flew up in the air and started towards the big T shaped building. She hated having to go back, since she had left them. She touched down on the floor.

Her entire body was shaking. Her breathing was shallow, and she got light headed. But she had to focus. Who knew how long it would take Apep to break down her shield. She tried phasing threw the building, and therefore not needing to involve her friends, but it just started to shake.

She had to little control, and it didn't help that she now was crying. She breathed in and out, and thou she got some control, it still wasn't enough. She would have to fly threw the building. She went over to the stairs, and punched in her code.

Denied. Of course, Cyborg changes the codes once a month. Security reasons. Too bad she didn't have time to ask any of them to get her. She looked up and saw crimson clouds covering the sky. Apep had broken threw the shield.

She covered the gate with black energy and just broke it of. She knew that would trick the alarm, but she didn't care. Time was not on her side this time. It never was.

She had never flown so fast. She flew down, floor for floor, leaving behind nothing but darkness. Her powers blew up everything. "Sorry Cy." She whispered. The poor guy would be the one stuck whit changing ever last light bulb.

She opened her door, and ran over to her books. But which one was right? She started going through each of them, throwing them on the floor when she was done with them. She didn't noticing the three faces looking at her from the door, or the one looking up at her from the floor.

"Raven?" Raven felt a hand on her shoulder, and was terrified Apep had found her. She turned her hand out to fight him, the book clutching to her chest. She just looked up at the green face. Not realising who he was at first.

"Raven, what is it?" "They lied to me. They just wanted to use me. They all lied to me." Raven couldn't help the tears running down her cheeks. This of course had an effect on her powers, and her old statues started to explode as her powers squeezed them.

The green man laid his arms around her, and Raven let him. Finally remembering her old friend. He was safe. She even let herself hug him back.

"Friends look at the sky." Starfire pointed at the sky. It was completely red. Demon red. Raven ran over next to her, her eyes widening with fear. Her bed cracked. All, but her, looked at the bed with shock.

"They are coming. They are coming for me." She turned to her friends. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to involve you." Robin took a step forward, laying a hand on her shoulder. "We are a team Raven. That's what we do." Raven gave him a hug. She didn't care about her family now filling the sky. She wasn't alone. She had never been alone.

They were standing on the roof. Her book was resting in her hand. She had found one spell, but she was reluctant to use it. "We will fight them Raven, and maybe we don't have to." Robin and Cyborg holding Starfire flew up in the air.

They where ready to fight for her. To die for her. "We will beat them Raven." Beast Boy looked at her, smiling. "I know. That's what so hard." She looked up at the sky, and flew up to join the others. Beast Boy sighed, morphed to a hawk, and flew up after her.

Raven looked at them with fear as her brothers and sister covered the sky. Not all could fly, but some used there power over other objects to fly, or was carried by other siblings. "Titans go."

The first wave fell quickly. Raven couldn't help crying as her siblings fell to the sea so far below them. But she had to remind herself that they weren't her family anymore. She looked at the other titans, fighting the best they could. For her. They were her family.

Suddenly she felt someone grab her from behind. She looked with fear as a big boy with fiery red hair and violet eyes started to choke her. "Why did you betray us Raven?" Raven looked up at the tiny girl sitting on the big boys shoulders.

"I didn't betray anyone Lamia." "Do you know how hard I tried to make you forget your friends? How mad Apep was when you just got sick instead?" Raven looked at her with almost disbelief, but her head was getting light headed of the lack of oxygen.

She could barley see Apep come in front of her. "Let her go." The boy let go of his grip, and Raven almost fell threw the sky as she suddenly could breath again. Apep came even closer. "Give up Raven, give in to your destiny. We have your friends. There is nothing else you can do."

Raven looked to her side, and found out he was right. The other titans were actually caught. "Why would you give your life to protect people, who only fear you, and use their fear to exclude you. This is whom you were born to be Raven. Just give up."

"I will never give up." But her voice bore doubt. Doubt he had planted in her head. Doubt that drowned out the cries of her teammates, her family.

"You know I'm right. That's why you fear me. Deep down inside, you know I'm right. Just give up." She could hear how her friends where suffering. What could she do? Why should she do anything? They've always excluded her. With a scream Starfire fell to threw the air and hit the water.

"Starfire." She could hear the others scream after the falling person. Why should she save her? Oh it's not just any nail polish. It's blue nail polish, on you. Don't think Raven just feel. You mean a lot to the group Raven, and I'm sorry I haven't told you sooner. Next time girl, wake me up to tell me you're okay. "Starfire." The water started to bubble, and the sky went from red to black.

She looked at him with four red eyes, and he gave her a smile. She raised her hand and all of her siblings where covered with black energy. His smile died, and was replaced with a scared look.

"I gave up once, I won't give up again." The spell book flew up in front of her, and with a surprisingly clear voice she resisted the spell. "Saucius. Cognatio. Odisse."

As the half demons one by one had their life sucked out of them, Raven raised her hand and a lifeless Starfire flew up from the sea. With teary eyes Raven started to heal her, and when she opened her eyes. Apep, the last one, made a deadening scream, and fell down to his certain death.

"Are you okay Star?" Starfire nodded, and gave the girl a big, warm smile. "Good." Raven passed out. The sky turned baby blue, the water died down, and Starfire grabbed her lifeless body before she could be hurt. "Star, a little help back here."

Starfire turned to see Cyborg and Robin holding on to a green pterodactyl, who didn't seem able to hold himself up for long. She flew over to help him, without letting go of her good friend.

Raven looked calmly at the portal. She didn't want to, but she had to go and check. To make sure no one else was there. The others had offered to be with her, but she needed to do this alone.

She could hear it as quickly as she stepped threw the portal. She followed the crying until she came over her. Luna was sitting on the floor, arms rapped around her legs and her head on her knees. "Luna?" "Raven." The girl ran over and gave Raven one of the biggest hugs she had ever gotten. "I'm so sorry Raven, I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. Apep said I would have betrayed our kind if I did. Oh Raven I'm so sorry."

Raven sat down with the girl on her lap and let her cry. She even cried some tears herself. For her family, who was now gone, friend she had almost lost, and the little girl who was crying against her shoulder. Raven knew to well the fate of this girl, and wept with her. For her. And when she was done weeping, she rose and carried the girl out of the castle, and destroyed the portal behind her.

Raven was sitting on the edge of the roof. She should have been meditating, but couldn't concentrate. Her damn emotions. She felt rotten. She had turned the back on her friends, her family, as quickly as someone who looked like they understood came along. And it wasn't the first time.

She shivered as memories of Melchior came sneaking at the back of her mind. She always trusted evil, and turned her back on her friends in their favour. And still they always welcomed her back with open arms. She didn't deserve them.

"Hi Raven." She looked over he shoulder, and looked at her leader. "Hi." "Haven't seen you in a while." She shrugged, and turned her face back to the view. "I had some meditating to catch up on." "Uhu." Silence. She wanted to talk to him, but something stopped her. The thought that she would outstay her already worn welcome.

"Can I ask you a question Robin?" "Of course." "If someone told you, that you would get your parents back, if you just left the titans. Would you do it?" He sat down next to her, really thinking about it.

"Some days, I would." Raven looked at him, surprised. She would never have thought he would say that. "Losing my parents was, horrible. It is something that will follow me until the day I die. And some days I do wish that it had never happened. But if it didn't I would never have met a very strange man, or become leader and friends for four quite extraordinary people."

"When Apep came to me. He offered me something I didn't even know I wanted. He offered me equals. People that would understand me one hundred percent. And a place where I could be free." She bit her lower lip, and breathed in and out so she wouldn't lose control.

"Raven, there are things about you that we can't understand. But I do hope you know that you can always talk to me. You might find we understand more than you think." She looked at him, and a tear ran down her small smile. Far down below, a big energy ball made the water explode. She quickly calmed down.

She could here Robin getting to his feet. "You really do mean a lot to the team Raven. One day I hope you realise just how much." He turned to walk away. Raven looked over her shoulder. "Robin." He stopped and looked at her. "Yeah?"

"Thank you. For understanding." He gave her one of his half a smiles. Then turned and left her all alone with what he had said.

She picked up the penny, and let it just rest in her hand. It still felt cool to the touch. "What are you looking at friend Raven?" Raven was surprised as her orange alien friend was suddenly floating in the air in front of her. She gave of a little yelp, and one of the poles that held the volleyball-net bent.

She blushed, and bent it back into shape. "What is that?" Starfire just pointed at the penny in her hand. "The penny Garfield gave me." Her eyes widened, then she took it and flew back down. Raven was stunned, and followed her angry. How could Starfire just take her penny?

Raven flew through the window and touched down on her floor. The penny was lying on her table, a tiny whole drilled at the edge. Starfire was looking for something in her closet?

"Starfire what are you doing?" Suddenly Starfire emerged from her closet, and went over to the penny, doing something with it. Raven was on the verge of losing control of her emotions when Starfire turned and smilingly held out what she had done.

The penny was hanging on a chain. Like an amulet or a necklace. Starfire put it on her, and smiled to the girl. Again Raven had hard controlling her emotions, but this time it was a new feeling running through her.

"Thank you." "A pleasure friend Raven." Raven looked at her. "You really think that. That I'm your friend." "Of course. Am I not one of your friends?" "One of the best." Raven had never seen Starfire with such a big grin.

"Hi Luna, Cy. What are you doing?" The two jumped back as Raven came down in the basement. They had been hiding there. Doing something electronically. "Nothing." They looked at one another, before looking at her and grinning.

"I was just wandering if you wanted me to teach you meditation. You know, for your powers." "No need." Cyborg and Luna had decided to take a break and all three were now sitting, eating a lunch Cyborg had made.

"What do you mean?" "I'm not so powerful as you Raven, so I don't need to be so careful with my emotions." "Oh." Raven looked down at her sandwich.

Raven didn't understand why she felt so hurt. Ever since the fight with her siblings, everyone had been very nice to her. But they treated her different. Kept their distance.

Not that she deserved any better. After all, she had been the one to desert them. But now even Luna was avoiding her. It just hurt. And that of course was dangerous.

She was meditating on the roof. The penny hanging around her neck. She had a lot of meditating to do, and a lot of feelings to suppress.

"How are you?" "Trying to concentrate Beast Boy." "Why are you calling me Beast Boy again?" Raven sighed. "I think it's for the best considering I have to suppress my feelings for you. Now can you please leave so I can continue my meditation."

"Do you remember what you told me about the beast." "What?" He went over to her, looking at her lovely face. "You said that having that thing inside me didn't make me an animal, knowing when to let it out was what made me a man."

"This is different Beast Boy." "Why?" "Your powers just grew. You weren't the incarnation of all evil." He went even closer, with a grin on his face. "You know, its good to be evil sometimes."

She opened her eyes and touched down. "But that doesn't change the fact that my powers are still charged by my emotions, and the more I feel, the more energy I produce and the more my powers get out of control."

Beast Boys face broke into a smile. Raven sighed. She knew she wouldn't get any more meditation done.

"I have to show you something." Annoyed she let him drag her down into the tower. More annoyed at her self for saying yes thou, than him. They stopped in front of one of the towers many unused rooms. "Close your eyes." She subdued, swearing under her breathe, and went through the door.

"Ta da." The four titans and Luna was standing smiling in front of a machine. Raven just looked at it. Trying hard to restrain her annoyance. "What is it?" "I'm very glad you asked Raven. This is the towers ultra new, hyper, made-just-for-Raven, energy drawer." It took a moment before she fully understood what Cyborg had said.

"You mean" "This energy drawer has the range of the entire tower and island on which it stands. Luna even reckoned it would cut our electrical bill I half." Raven moved closer to fully study the machine. So this was what he and Luna had been doing the last two weeks. "You really did this Cy? Just for me?" "For you girl, anything."

Raven levitated up to the big guy and gave him a big hug. She landed and gave the same to Luna. She was free. Or at least she would be free at home. She never had to be afraid of harming her friends again.

She hugged Starfire, now with teary eyes. She would still have to suppress her feelings when she was away from the tower, but was okay. That meant she would have to meditate. She hugged Robin and by now she was laughing of joy.

For she still had to suppress some emotions. She grabbed Beast Boy and gave him a big passionate kiss. She felt how he turned into putty in her hand. Just not all of them.

"But what if they don't like me?" "Of course they will Luna. You don't have to be afraid. You are joining the best Titan group in the world." "But why can't I stay with you?"

Luna bit her lower lip, and Raven kissed her on the forehead. "Because I don't want you to be hurt when we are fighting. Besides, you are going to love this group."

"Teether stoop chewing on my cape." "I'm not chewing on your cape." "Timmy calm down. Teether spit out Timmys cape."

The three came over the hill, and started running as soon as they saw her. "Raven." She fell to the ground. "Melvin, Timmy, Teether. Oh Booby, I didn't forget you." Raven smiled to the three children.

Melvin had grown quite a bit, and soon would be twelve. Timmy still had tantrums, and the old blanket was now a cape to his not-so-good titan uniform. Teether was about Lunas age and was the first to approach her.

"I'm Teether. What's your name?" "Luna." Luna looked afraid from one to another. "So, what can you do?" "Timmy." Timmy looked mad at Melvin and Raven, who both had scolded him. Luna looked unsure at Raven. "Go ahead." Luna closed her eyes and teleported herself from one place to another around the three.

She then made a tine pebble fly up to her hand. Then she turned to Bobby, who was invisible for most people, and smiled to him. Capable of seeing him as clear as Raven or Melvin. Timmys jaw dropped, quite impressed.

"Welcome to the tiny titans. I'm Melvin. That's Timmy, just ignore him, we do, and you have already met Teether. Be careful or he will eat everything you have." "I will not."

Teether pouted as Melvin dragged one of Lunas dresses out of his mouth. Raven bent down and kissed the girl again on the forehead, before giving the same treatment to the three others.

She gave a communicator to the little girl. "Remember I'm just a call away. Never be afraid of using it." She waved to the quartet as they went over the hill. She turned and walked over to the T-ship and her friends who had waited for her there.

"Are you okay?" Beast Boy kissed her on the cheek before laying an arm over her shoulder. She nodded.

"Teether I'm warning you stop eating my cape." "I'm not eating your cape." "Timmy calm down. Teether, stop eating Timmys cape." The five laughed as the children's cries disappeared. "Poor Luna."

Beast Boy gave her a hand to get into her seat. "You look good with kids, ever thought about having your own." She looked at his smug face. "And I guess you volunteer for the job." "BB, Baby Baker at your service."

"Well, technically I would be doing the baking, but nice to know." She laughed as the glass closed of her and she put the plug in her ear. "Oh a tiny titan of our own, how nice. Can't we get one Robin? Wouldn't that be nice?"

Raven laughed as Robin swore under his breath at Beast Boy and hoped Starfire hadn't heard that. "Oh I have some nice ideas about how we can baby proof the tower, if that is what is stopping you Robin."

A new curse, this one aimed at Cyborg, escaped Robins mouth. Starfire just went on about how nice a baby would be, and Raven could formally see how Robins face became redder and redder.

"Why don't we just get home, before thinking about adding a new member to the team?" She could hear how Robin made a sigh of relief. "Oh you are right Raven, as usual."

"I have to teach you how to have fun Raven." She could hear how her new boyfriend was pouting at the top. "I agree Rae. I though you had lighten up." The two boys were apparently upset about her destroying their fun.

"Star instead can't you tell the boys about you're date with Robin last weekend." "Oh yes. What a nice day. First of he came gave me flowers he had picked him self then... "

A swearword she never thought would escape her leader was directed at her. "Rae you rock." "I knew there was a reason I loved you." "I know. Now pay attention, it actually gets juicy."

Raven knew she would pay for it later, but right then and there she couldn't help smiling her new smug smile. I was good to evil, sometimes.


End file.
